Pin the Tail on the Moony
by snow-birdy
Summary: Padfoot agrees to play a very interesting game. Will Moony figure it out or remain endearingly oblivious? Some suggestive humor, not slash.
1. Mayonnaise and Moony

Title: Pin the Tail on the Moony

Rating: T for…slight wrongness, a little language, and mistreatment of poor Moony.

Genre: Humor.

Summary: Padfoot agrees to play a very interesting game. Will Moony figure it out or remain endearingly oblivious?

A/N: Is it wrong that I thought of this?

---

_Chapter One: Mayonnaise and Moony. _

It is an October afternoon, and we find our seventeen year old heroes James Potter and Sirius Black sitting about Ye Olde Gryffindor common room. Peter Pettigrew happens to be lying unconscious on the floor.

"Well, that was interesting….he never stood a chance, the poor slob," Sirius said.

"He sure does need some practice. How is going to survive in the real world?" James questioned.

"Eh, he'll probably mooch off of you for the rest of your life."

"I suppose."

"Because he won't get anything from me if he comes to _my _door crying about how he can't open his mayonnaise."

"Huh?"

"…Never mind."

There was a lengthy pause. Sirius twirled his wand and James stared at the light moving in and out of the windows.

"So.."

"So. "

"So, what do we do now since Wormtail's unconscious…again?" asked Sirius.

"Hmm…" James put on a thinking face, placing his hand to his chin. "Well, we could--"

"Something _not _involving Lily."

"Damn." James thought to himself again, obviously desperate for an original idea. "I don't think I've ever been this desperate for an original idea."

"Hey," Sirius yelped, "have you seen Moony around here lately?"

"No, he's probably making love to his books. Why?"

"Well, he's the one that usually comes up with all the good plans when we…when we…" Sirius faltered for a moment. Then he whispered, fearful of discovery. "…Can't think of anything original."

"Well then, why don't you go get him?"

"…I don't feel like getting up."

James rolled his eyes, yet he agreed. "Me either."

Another lengthy pause.

"Moony…" Sirius began to whine in childish mock-despair. "Moony….Moony, where are you? MOONY! MOONY--"

"Sirius! Why don't you just get your arse out of here and go find him?"

"I'm not moving from this spot until we have a brilliant idea!" he grumbled.

However, Sirius' grumbling was answered in the nick of time. Remus Lupin peeked his head around from the staircase.

"Did I hear a little boy call my name? Oh, I see you've made Peter unconscious…again."

"_Little boy_? Humph."

"Sirius is whining because," James looked around the common room warily, "because we…can't think of anything original to do." Remus stared in pretend shock.

"What? Is it possible to use those words together in a sentence like that?"

"It's possible _now_," Sirius cried, "Help us, Moony! You're our last hope!"

"Look," Remus sighed, "why don't you just…play a game? Do you always have to inflict violence on people to make life interesting?"

"Yes."

"It's what I _live _for!" James shouted, fist shaking in the air.

"And Moony…" pouted Sirius. "We want to live."

Remus just shook his head and smiled. Then he proceeded to head back up the stairs because the last story of _Arabian Nights _was waiting for him. You cannot compete with _Arabian Nights_.

"No! Moony, my love! Come back! He's holding me hostage! He's making me open mayonnaise! He--"

"Wait." James stopped Sirius' ranting, putting a hand in the air. He had a diabolical glint in his eye and a diabolical smile.

"I know that look!" Sirius exclaimed. "It's Diabolical Prongs!"

James nodded. "We're going to play a game."

"Oh." Sirius was vaguely disappointed by this lack of violence.

"But not just any game. Do you know 'Pin the Tail on the Donkey?'"

"Pin the Tail on the _what _now?"

"Oh Padfoot, my pureblood friend, it's a Muggle children's game. Lily told me about it the other day. She said I didn't know much about the Non-Magic Folk as I should, so she told me about her childhood memories."

"Wait, you had a _conversation _with Lily…and you listened to each other? That is a _giant _leap for you, my friend. Now tell me about this game. Is it…diabolical?"

"Not exactly. Usually you have a group of small children and there's a picture of a Donkey on the wall with no tail."

"Huh?"

"Just let me finish. There's a tail, usually some kind of string that has a sticky thingamabob on one end. When someone has their turn, they get blindfolded and spun around so they are 'pleasantly disoriented' as Lily said--"

"You mean dizzy."

"Yeah, whatever. Then they have to head towards the wall while blindfolded and try to stick the tail where it should go on the donkey. If they get it right or the closest out of everyone, that person wins."

"What _do _they win?"

"I dunno…deep satisfaction?"

"All right. Why was Lily telling you about this particular game, anyway?"

"Oh, it was one of her worst childhood memories. She accidentally stuck the tail on her friend Susan."

"So?"

"Well, the thingamabob on the end was pretty sharp."

"Ouch." Sirius cringed.

"Yeah, they had to take her to the hospital to fix her eye."

"Her _eye_?"

"Yeah, Lil doesn't have the best sense of direction. She said she was too afraid to face Susan after that."

"Poor Lily…I never knew she was capable of so much violence."

"Yeah," James sighed, "Isn't she _amazing_?"

"Whatever you say, mate." Sirius rolled his eyes. "So…this is it, huh? Just some little game?"

"Oh, but we are going to make this much, much more interesting. Walk and talk with me, my friend."

James slung an arm around Sirius, then they exited Ye Olde Gryffindor common room.

In the common room, there was silence, and a few birds twittering outside. The curtains swayed slightly, and the last of the fire snapped. Peter Pettigrew blinked his eyes and slowly sat up, looking around.

"Hey…where _is _everyone?"

--

A/N: Yes, I didn't want to leave poor Peter unconscious…I enjoy writing about them. Reviews are much appreciated! By the way…this isn't meant to be epic, in case you haven't figured that out already, heh heh…Sorry for the shortness, too.


	2. The Color Pink, and the First Attempt

Ah, chapter two, how I love thee…Oh, and I own nothing of J.K. Rowling's. And this chapter may be a little inappropriate for some people, just suggestive discussion amongst the characters. Just thought I should clear that up. We also have Remus' point of view in this chapter…

---

_Chapter Two: The Color of Pink, and the First Attempt _

Our heroes exited the Gryffindor common room, and made their way down the deserted hallway.

"You see, my friend, we're going to play 'Pin the Tail on the _Moony_.'"

Sirius smiled. "I like it. Slightly embarrassing, yet endearing at the same time. No bodily harm rendered, just a bit of emotional trauma, right? Challenging. Unappealing, yet charming. Well, hopefully. Just one question, Prongs. Where in the world are we going to get a lovely, furry tail for our lovely, furry Moony?"

They stopped walking.

"That's a good question," James acknowledged, pointing a finger at Sirius. "You are quite skilled at transfiguration, are you not?"

"McGonagall never says so, but it's true. I can see it in her eyes. I really do quite amaze myself when it comes to transfiguration. I just hate the paperwork."

"See, all we need to figure out is how to transfigure a life-like tail onto a human. In one swift motion, and without him noticing."

"And we're going to do this--_how_?"

---

Later that evening in the secrecy of the Library (a place where no one would think to look for Padfoot and Prongs), they researched transfiguration and created the sacred document of regulations to follow:

_Instructions for Pin the Tail _

_By Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs _

_1. Subject must never have acknowledgement of the game before the goal is achieved. _

_2. If needed, the players of the game may resort to drastic moves to obtain the subject, as long as the circumstances do not conflict with the first rule. _

James looked up from the paper they had been hunched over. "Drastic moves? Padfoot, just what kind of drastic moves are you talking about?"

"Look at it this way," Sirius said, "would a player be willing to be bodily harmed for the sake of the game?"

"Most definitely."

"And there you have rule number two."

Contented, James looked down again to read the rest of the list.

_3. As soon as the subject is in range, a blinding and dizzying state must take place within the player until the attempt is aborted or achieved. _

_4. Use of the Map in order to obtain the subject results in disqualification. _

_5. If anyone in authority is to discover the true nature of the game, it is ended immediately. _

_6. The game must only be played in daylight. _

_7. The game must only be played once in each of the players' lifetimes. _

"But what are the consequences for playing the game more than once?" asked James.

"Hmm.." Sirius took his quill and scribbled down an addition to the rule.

_7. The game must only be played once in each of the players' lifetimes, or said player will never be able to wear or obtain the colour pink for the rest of his or her life. _

"Padfoot, isn't that kind of a blessing?"

"Some would say that."

"All right…Well, these seven rules should be enough, don't you think?"

"Yeah," he yawned, "It's late…and libraries start to scare me after a while. I think the books hate me."

They traipsed upstairs to the dorms to find Remus and Peter sleeping soundly. Shadows stretched across the walls in the silence of the room as they tiptoed in for a short night of sleep. As they both crawled into their beds, they took a look at Remus.

"This should be very interesting," Sirius whispered. "Are you sure it will be fun?"

"Just you wait. Once that blindness and dizziness come 'round, it'll be challenging. We just have to make sure not to hit other innocent people."

"And there's no guarantee of that."

James thought for a moment, peering at Remus. Then he turned back to Sirius. "It really is a complete waste of time, isn't it?"

"True. But you know what they say…the bigger the waste of time, the more fun that is had."

"Do they really say that?"

"I don't know, I just made it up."

"Well I like the way you think anyhow. Just think, tomorrow it begins, you and me; best friends pitted against each other in order to obtain the goal…a goal that is both embarrassing and entrancing."

"Deadly and delightful."

"Deadly?"

"All right, maybe not deadly."

They both stole one last glance at Remus sleeping peacefully beneath the warm blankets, so innocently unaware of the chaos that was to come.

"Sleep peacefully my little friend." Sirius whispered melodramatically. "For it will be the last night of peaceful sleep that you will know."

James merely rolled his eyes and Peter snored.

----

Remus slipped into consciousness early in the morning, the first of soft blue daylight breaking in through the curtains. There was an annoying bird twittering outside the window. He shut his drowsy eyes again and shifted further beneath the covers, having great desire for Monday mornings to be nonexistent. His bed was unusually soft on this particular Monday, and he could already hear bits and pieces of muffled laughter he assumed was coming from his friends. He sighed and curled up against the warm weight in his bed. Hold on. Warm _weight_? His eyes snapped open and he flung the covers back to reveal what seemed to be a very disoriented Sirius Black.

"Moony, is that you?" he said, grasping at the air.

"You're damn right it's me, you're in _my _bed. How long have you been here?"

"Um...I…don't know." Which was answered by feet shoving him onto the hard floor, creating what Remus thought was a very satisfying thud.

"Padfoot, do me a favor and keep your dirty paws _off _my bed. Forever." Remus said, now thoroughly irritated. "I get enough of you during the day as it is. Why were you over here, anyway?"

"I was…er…lost." he answered. He was now groping the floor and scooting himself along the rug until his hands found the bedpost. Pulling himself to standing position, he stretched his hand out into the air, halting slightly as he let go of the post.

"Sirius, go back to sleep. It's five-thirty in the morning! And stay away from my bed."

The other boy sighed deeply, arms still stretched out into the air. As he took another step, he almost completely lost his balance and began to look a bit nauseated. "I thought he said _pleasantly _disoriented…" he mumbled.

"What?" Remus eyed him questioningly.

"Nothing. I'm going, I'm going." he stumbled back to his bed and flopped onto the comforter with a look of pain still evident on his face. Remus shook his head. There was never a time that his friends _weren't _up to something, and he was used to that. But this was rather strange, even for Sirius. Still drowsy, he decided to wait until late morning to figure anything out. Snuggling back under the covers, he just hoped that a certain deer wouldn't invade his sleep.

---

A rather loud and sharp sort of laughter could be heard throughout the Great Hall, coming from the mouth of none other than James Potter. He was shaking a defeated looking Sirius by the shoulder, throwing his head back. Sirius stared angrily at his untouched food.

"You said _pleasantly _disoriented, James, _pleasantly _disoriented!" he shouted. James ignored him and continued to laugh.

"I loved your method Padfoot, what was it called? Violation?" he wiped his eyes that were full of mirth.

"At least I made the first attempt. Just wait until _you _go blind and dizzy. Then who'll be laughing?" However James continued to shake with laughter until Lily Evans came and sat down across from the two troublemakers while grabbing a piece of toast. If it was one thing James knew the most about Lily, it was that she liked her toast. "I could hear you a mile away. What have you two been up to now?"

"Oh fair Maiden Lily, it is not me that is up to anything. It's our dear Padfoot," he chuckled, "he defiled Moony this morning."

Much to their surprise, she smiled. "Poor Remus…"

"Hey! I would expect this from Prongs here, but not from you, Lily. Aren't you supposed to be the one that rolls their eyes and tells him how stupid he's being?"

"I'm allowed to join in the fun, too." She placed her palms on the table and leaned in toward them. "So, Sirius….was he good?" This statement produced another bout of loud laughter from James and caused Sirius to place his head in his hands. "I'm assuming you somehow made your way into his bed. Unless, you know…you like the floor." This made James spit out the drink he had just taken into his mouth. Sirius continued to hide his face.

"_Lily!_ I never knew you could be so…unethical. I don't think my ears can take it."

"Why was he in there, anyway?" she asked James.

He shut down all expression. "That information is classified." She was just about to ask why when Remus raced through the doors of the Hall, eager to obtain the last muffin that was gleaming in the sunshine. "Must obtain muffin…oh, hello Lily--"

"Remus! Remus!" she cried, "I heard what happened this morning," she said mischievously. "Tell me something…were you good?" Remus stared blankly at her for a moment. Then he caught sight of James chuckling and Sirius hiding in his hands, and assumed they must have playfully developed some immoral notion of what happened early that morning while he had still been catching up on sleep.

"Well," he played along with a gleam in his eye, "I suppose I was good." He took a bite of his muffin and pointed at Sirius. "But Sirius, here…I didn't know he could do things like that." He placed a hand on his heart. "He made my dreams come true." Lily exploded into laughter while James raised his eyebrows.

"Padfoot, you dog…" Sirius sighed and finally looked up at Remus.

"Moony, weren't you the one who said I was too dirty for your love?"

"You're never too dirty for my love, just too dirty for my bed."

"So you _do _like the floor!"

"Shut up!"

As breakfast was over, they exited the Great Hall, James coming to the conclusion that he would make his attempt soon. How victory would be sweet. Students and teachers filed out, looking forward to another day of classes, eager to fill their brains with knowledge and the smell of discovery. However, as silence filled the large room, a lone Peter Pettigrew stood in the doorway.

"Hey…where _is _everyone?!"

---

Yes, poor Peter is clueless once again. And I had to do the bed thing, I just couldn't resist even though it's been done before. Thanks for the reviews!


	3. WolfyCat and the Can of Tuna

-1Chapter three…will James make a successful attempt? Will Peter ever find a room with people inside it? They're in their seventh year, so I'm assuming that they already know about how to say certain enchantments with the mind instead of the mouth. Also partly because I don't know a good phrase. But the Latin word for "tailbone" is coccyges, according to Wikipedia.

---

_Chapter Three: Wolfy-Cat and the Can of Tuna _

It was time for transfiguration. The Marauders happened to be in the same class together, which is why this may have been the perfect time for a public attempt at pinning the tail on Remus. You may ask _is class really the best place for mayhem? _But for James Potter, anytime was the best time for mayhem, as long as it went unnoticed by the authorities, otherwise known as _the Man_.

They had all been seated, he and Sirius at a desk and Remus a little more than an arms' length away across the aisle. Professor McGonagall was busy writing at least 20 years worth of notes on the board, and some students had resorted to putting their heads on the desk or twiddling their thumbs. Sirius began to draw little figures of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs chasing a stick figure of Snape. Remus was trying to stare straight ahead, but he kept nodding off until he snapped himself upright once more, only to repeat the same motion a number of times. With McGonagall's back turned, now was the chance to attack.

The charm of blindness and dizziness that took over was not pleasant, just as Sirius had said. He stared straight with his hands flat on the desk, trying his hardest to look inconspicuous. However Sirius saw him tense and slowly reach for his wand.

"Prongs," Sirius whispered, "just so you know, the cat is not yet out of the bag." Meaning that the professor was still scribbling her notes.

"Perfect," he said, paling slightly.

The room seemed as if it was turning itself upside down and his stomach was in a knot. As quietly as he could, he pointed his wand in what he assumed was Remus' direction, and made a move to step off the chair. It proved to be a foolish choice, because the room gave a great lurch as he thought the incantation and he fell out of his chair landing with a crash onto the floor, praying that some other student hadn't ended up with a tail. Not only did he most likely not obtain victory, but he had made a fool of himself in the process. Professor McGonagall turned around to look for the source of the noise which happened to be James who was now plastered to the floor. The students were roused from their Monday morning stupor, peering over him from their seats. Then she noticed something even more peculiar.

"Prongs, the cat is coming for the tuna! Abort attempt!" Sirius hissed. _I think the attempt was aborted the moment I hit the ground, _James thought.

"Mr. Potter, is there something you would be willing to share with the class?"

James remained glued to the floor, blinking his eyes as the blindness wore off. He could see the blurry image of three McGonagalls heading his way, but he couldn't bring himself to stand although he tried desperately.

She now loomed over him in all her stern-teacher power and he looked up to see her beckon him impatiently to follow. _Please tell me it isn't what I think it is…_He pried himself from the cold ground and staggered behind her, the curious students looking after them. Remus turned to Sirius with his eyebrows raised. Sirius merely shrugged, trying his hardest to look innocent.

"Can you answer me one question? I'm assuming it has to do with you." She folded her arms and peered at him from behind her rectangular-shaped glasses.

"Yes, Pro..fessor…" he was now regaining his balance, able to stand upright once again.

"Explain to me…why is it that I now possess a rather beautiful wolf's tail when I am sure that I never had one before today?"

James froze. He spoke the first thing that cam out. "I-I don't see it." She moved aside her outer cloak to reveal a gleaming, fluffy wolf's tail. The tuna was in trouble, and he needed to make up a story on the spot.

"I'm sorry Professor, I…Well, you see…I was--I was transfiguring my practice. I mean--practicing my transfiguration! Yes, and…I was aiming for an empty chair up front and missed. That's why I fell over. I didn't mean anything by it." He waited for her to say something, hoping she bought the excuse.

"Well Mr. Potter, the next time you practice your transfiguration, make sure it is not directed towards your instructor. I would have thought that the past six years at this school taught you how to aim your spells correctly." She turned away from him, done with his mischievous behavior for the day. "And it's only Monday, too…" she said to herself. He sheepishly followed her back into the classroom, her wolf's tail disappearing.

---

"So…can we call her wolfy-cat now?" Sirius said as they stepped out of the classroom.

"I suppose so…and you can call me the can of tuna. At least she bought my story. Do you know how lucky I am? The Man is really getting me down. I know Sirius, 'I told you so,' 'who's laughing' and all that."

Sirius grinned. "Any more attempts today?"

"No. I'm all funned out. You?"

"Sure, but later. You'll see."

"I'm sure I will."

A groggy Remus was following behind fortunately not catching any of this conversation. Sirius turned his head around to see him yawning with his eyes half closed. James was thinking that he may have been making an attempt as he was putting his arm around Remus' shoulders, but he was wrong. Maybe Sirius was just being a regular all around nice person. After all he was either that, or irritating.

"Come on Moony, why so heavy-eyed?"

"I'm heavy-eyed because a certain pup woke me up this morning."

"But you were rather vociferous this morning at breakfast."

"Only because of that shining muffin…"

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Well, you should buck up, because we've got Potions in a half hour."

"I am so excited for Potions." he said sarcastically.

"Me too," said James, "I can't wait for one of those 'coffee-fueled sermons I can't afford to miss.'" He took a look at Sirius and raised his eyebrows but Sirius shook his head confirming his next endeavor would come later. _After all, you can't do anything with the snot-master breathing down your neck._

Sirius squeezed Remus' shoulder, playing the 'I'm-your-loving-brother-and-not-up-to-something' card. But James knew better, and he was already getting anxious for the game to be over soon even though they had only played for Monday morning. _I'm going to see that tail on Moony if it's the last thing I do._

A scream could be heard from the transfiguration room, letting them know that Peter had finally made it to class. Mondays weren't the best days for him.

---

I know that was extremely short, but I'm too sleepy to write more, and I really wanted to post another chapter. I hope you kind of enjoyed it! For some reason my favorite line is when James says _I was transfiguring my practice. _Remus has a thing for muffins, Lily has a thing for toast, Sirius has a thing for mayonnaise, and James has a thing for tuna and authority trouble. If you can guess where the two quotes/references are that I put in here and what they are from, you will be sent a smiley face.


	4. Because We Are a Clever Cliche

Enter: Chapter four. _The Times They Are A-Changin'_ is by Bob Dylan. I really don't know how their class schedules work, I'm just making it up. It's getting stranger as I go…sorry about that. And I'm sticking the wandless magic thing in there because it's interesting, even though it's not necessarily true in the books, from what I've heard.

---

_Chapter Four: Because We Are a Clever Cliché _

"Come gather 'round, people, wherever you roam, and admit that the waters around you have grown and accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth saving, then you better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone, for the time's, they are a-changin'."

"Sirius…"

"Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pen, and keep your eyes wide, the chance won't come again and don't speak too soon for the wheel's still in spin…"

"Sirius."

"…And there's no tellin' who that it's namin'. For the loser now will be later to win, for the times, they are a changin'!"

"SIRIUS."

"What?"

"Hurry up. You're such a slow eater when you're in the mood for singing. Where did you learn that song, anyway?"

"When I was in first year, some seventh years taught it to me. You know, the sixties and all. I guess they thought I was alright for an eleven-year-old. Good times."

Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter were finishing up the last of déjeuner and also celebrating the fact that an extremely long Potions lesson was over.

"The first lesson of the week…is always the worst." Peter said.

"I'd say _all _lessons are the worst. And you actually showed up for that one, too." Sirius agreed.

"It always seems to be one important class that's missed…at least one Monday every month. What am I going to do in the real world?"

"That's just what I said. You take from James for the rest of your life, and everything will be fine. Just don't come to me with your mayonnaise."

"In the long run, he really is a pushover. It should be easy to steal-I mean-_borrow _from him for the rest of my life."

"Hey! Stop putting ideas in his head!"

"But it's true, Prongs. You never say no, always yes. If I told you to hang from the parapets you'd do it if I begged enough."

"That's another one for the list, then."

"I heard something strange about Dumbledore the other day," said Peter.

"Another tall tale? Tell us, then!" Sirius exclaimed. "It'll make life more interesting when we're 36 and we have things to blackmail him with."

"Why 36?"

"I don't know, it just seemed like a good number. You know…when we're finally rich, and…"

"And he's married to Moony. Come on Wormtail, tell us this wonderful information."

"_Married?_"

"Well, Dumbledore really enjoys--"

"Strudel?"

"Socks."

"_Socks?_"

"No, really. _Married_? I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I was married to you, Moony. I wonder what our children would look like…Of course I'd have to keep you away from the in-laws."

Remus dropped his fork with a loud clang on the plate and addressed the ceiling. "I really need to get some new friends."

"Why does he like socks so much?" James asked.

"I don't know, something about never getting any for Christmas."

"We should get him some, then we'll be his favorite students of all time."

"In case you haven't noticed, Prongs, we _are _his favorite students of all time," Sirius said, "I mean, we're the only ones that really hang out with him after those parties, and who else gives him ideas for his growing list of novellas? He needs some moral stories, and since we're making so many mistakes all the time, we're just the people to give some great ideas."

"Yeah, but you can never be too sure of these things. I say we buy some that make feet extra quiet. Then he'll be able to sneak into places that he doesn't normally go and scare people."

"Doesn't he already do that?" asked Peter.

"Yes, but the socks will make it a highlight."

"I'd love to keep hearing you all talk about foot decorations, but we're going to be late for Charms…remember what happened last time?"

"Oh yes," Peter remembered, "I had a really hard time getting my head out of that jar, thanks to _you,_" he shot an angry glare at Remus.

"You _said _take cover, so my natural reaction was to put you in front of my face."

---

Charms went as usual. Peter went into some sort of predicament with an unusually advanced charm involving invisibility and the four phases of matter, James and Sirius played with voice variations and Remus practiced his wandless magic. He was attempting to make a handful of flames appear in his right hand, but it was proving rather difficult. James kept looking at Sirius and widening his eyes, telling him to go for it while Remus was distracted.

"Transfiguration during Charms?" whispered Sirius, "how uncivilized." He moved away from a bewildered James and sat across from Remus, who was staring intently at his hand. _Aduro dextera. Aduro dextera. _

"Hey Moony…why are you staring at your hand?"

"I'm trying to hold the flames." he said in an expressionless tone.

"Well, it doesn't seem to be working. Wandless magic is difficult you know…that's why no one really uses it. What's the phrase?"

"Aduro dextera." He continued to think it, a little bothered by his friend's interruption.

"Well, I see your problem." Sirius said. "You're focusing too much."

"How can I focus too much? That's what it's about."

"Yes, but you aren't just letting the fire come to you. You can't expect the fire to spring into your hand, you know…unless you light it with a match, of course. You have to wait for the flames. Be the fire, Remus. Be the fire."

"But what would you know about fire?"

"Oh, I know loads about fire. A flame is an exothermic, self-sustaining oxidizing chemical reaction producing energy and glowing hot matter, of which a very small portion is plasma."

"Well I don't know what you just said, which is a first for me, but I can see what you mean about focusing too much…I think." He sighed and leaned back in his chair a little, still staring at his right hand. This time he would wait patiently, perhaps decrease the frustration of staring at all the fingerprints and ridges for so long.

…_Aduro dextera. _

And lo, the bright flames started as a small flicker, then grew into a satisfying blue light. He smiled as the flames danced off of his own blue eyes. _Ignis expello. _The flames were extinguished.

"Finally! I can do it. Professor!"

"Yes," observed Professor Flitwick, "I've been watching you two experiment. Very impressive, indeed!"

"Of course, I helped. As the expert on fire and light here, don't you know." Sirius interjected. "You be the flame, Reemits."

"Just wait until you see what I can do with plasma!" Peter exclaimed.

"Do we really want to know that information?"

--

"Can we get back to the plot, here?"

"Why James, I haven't the faintest idea of what you mean."

"Oh yes, you do. Come on, if I'm not going to make another attempt tonight, then who is?"

"Well, while you have been impatiently sitting and waiting for me to make a fool of myself--"

"Which you usually do."

"--I have, in fact, been in the act of seducing Moony all day long."

"You aren't very good at the art of seduction. I know this, because every time a girl looks at you…wait. Why would you be seducing Moony? Oh, right. So you can marry him. You know, somehow I really don't think our parents would like that idea very much. And your kids would have to start calling me Uncle James. Not good."

The group had retired to their usual posts for the night; Remus curling up by the fire, James and Sirius scheming near the table, and Peter scribbling away at his work on the floor. Some other students also occupied the room, chatting or pouring over their own homework. Sirius' master plan was finally going to come true while showing off what a wonderful, intelligent and loving person he was. For once he did not abandon caution and proceed to reckless action, which made him very proud.

"Not that type of seduction. Although I heard that some ladies find it quite charming when two males--"

"I don't want to hear it. What do you mean?"

"I mean that since I have been very, how you say, un-mischievous today and an all around nice person, that Moony will in turn trust me more. Thereby leading him to sit next to me, which lends me a fair chance and a good shot at his bum."

"Don't you think it would be easier if I just lessened the intensity of the dizzying charm for us?"

"No, any settings must stay intact the moment the game has been started…don't you know these things, Prongs?"

"Apparently not."

"Watch, I'm going to gently persuade him."

"Psst, hey Moony…" Remus peeked round from behind the chair.

"Wha? I was just getting to the floating square indentation…" it seemed that he had just awakened from a nap. Sirius walked around the chair and heaved his drowsy friend up and dragged him to the sofa where James was sitting.

As soon as he sat down next to Remus, the dizziness and blindness washed over him. He froze into the spot, placing a hand in the air.

"You call _that _gentle persuasion?"

"Moony, is that your face?"

"Yes, darling. Pass me the muffin while your at it."

"Good. I'll get you that muffin, just promise me you won't move from that spot…until I get it to you."

The room was spinning. Up, down, sideways. Sirius had his hand on Remus' face, determined to aim in the right direction. Just three feet away. Right in front of him. It was him and Remus, spinning in a blind dance of swirling dizziness. Prongs was going down. He aimed in the right direction, and thought. It was over. Had he won? _I aimed in the right direction…_His vision slowly returned to a sight he did not want to see. A few students had stopped what they were doing and stared curiously in Peter's direction.

"Darling, why does Peter have a tail?"

"Aaah!" Sirius cried and flung a hand over Remus' eyes, praying that he was tired enough to take it for a dream. He looked, panic-stricken, towards James.

"You're on your own, mate."

Peter stared at the beautiful tail in bewilderment. Sirius took a surprised Peter by his collar and Remus by the arm and began to drag them upstairs. "I was this close, Prongs, _this _close."

"Wait! Can I touch his tail?"

"Did you hear that Padfoot? They want to touch my tail."

"You know Sirius, I always thought Peter would make a great squirrel. Where's that muffin you promised me?"

"It's…er…upstairs in the closet, I need some help reaching it."

"Fine, just don't make any more hollow promises, all right?"

"Padfoot, let me go! I was just on the verge of a breakthrough…and they want to see the tail. I don't know what you're up to, but I'm going to find out as soon as I can get this thing off my backside."

"Fine, just don't wave it around too much." he whispered. "Come on, Remus." Frustrated but relieved, Sirius made his way up the steps with his disoriented friend, but not before James called after them.

"Hey hey, don't get too cozy up there!"

Peter scrambled down to bask in his fifteen minutes of fame.

---

Aduro dextera: to set fire to the right hand. (Either that or Dextera aduro.)

It's not such a great chapter. Next day, Remus won't be so tired, and neither will I. Thanks for the reviews! Peter isn't so innocent as written.


	5. The Slang, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Sorry about taking a long time. I've been working on another story that is a little more important in my opinion…Aril is a random person based off the blonde girl that was looking at Sirius in Order of the Phoenix. This chapter was fun, if not pointless.

---

_Chapter Five: The Slang, the Witch, and the Wardrobe _

Sirius looked behind his shoulder as Remus closed the door behind them. The last of the daylight had faded, and Remus began to rub his eyes, yet again clearly irritated by the interrupted sleep. He seemed to remain ignorant at Sirius' slightly nervous expression, as his mind was running through sleeping spells. For he knew there was indeed no muffin in the closet, and if he didn't do something, Remus would be suspicious for sure. You don't see Peter Pettigrew with a tail every day, and no dream could spare Sirius unless he had some manner of distraction. _If only I was Bo Diddley. Then I could distract him with some blues riffs. _

But Sirius was not Bo Diddley.

"So…muffin. In closet. I think." Just to stall, he approached the baroque wardrobe occupying the room, for now at least. It had a mind of it's own, as the Marauders had once found it standing around in the kitchens after dark. The elves were unusually grumpy that day, and they learned to never again trust it with their prized objects. However, it had been known to dispense a few helpful items in the past, and Sirius was praying that now was one of those times. The wardrobe was very sensible, and it had taken a liking to Remus because he was very polite and didn't slam it's doors. Sirius held his breath, expecting nothing from it after the way they had scolded it for hanging from the ceiling. He closed his eyes, brought his hand to the knob, and turned.

To his great surprise, there sitting upon the top shelf was a blueberry muffin. Still steaming from the oven, in fact. But why? _An apology muffin from the wardrobe, _Sirius thought. _Is it right to trust this muffin? Who cares. This lump of bread is saving my behind. _

"Oh Moony," Sirius said enticingly, "I told you I had trouble reaching it." Although he was the tallest of the four (though not by much when standing next to James), he had to drag a chair over to reach the large hunk of blueberry filled bread from the very top shelf. Remus stopped rubbing his eyes and looked up at Sirius.

"It really was there." He looked up and stretched out his arms. "I love you."

"Er…Thanks."

"I wasn't talking to _you_. I was talking to the muffin." He took it from Sirius' hands and peeled the paper wrapping off. "Ah, and it's still warm…"

"Hey Wardrobe," Sirius whispered, "Thanks for saving me. You can stick to the ceiling any time you like as far as I'm concerned." The mahogany wood seemed to glow as if just polished.

Remus sat cross-legged on his bed against the pillow, his taste buds enraptured with the berry and batter. Sirius was disappointed that there would be no attempts with the daylight gone. He settled onto his bed and pulled the white comforter over his head. What a fun time Peter and James must be having. It wasn't enough that Remus had been right next to him, his hand on the boy's face. He had to give Peter a tail in plain sight. He wasn't sure if Remus took it for delirious state of mind, and he wasn't about to bring it up again. He could hear his friend contentedly chewing while humming an unrecognizable tune.

_What a nightmare,_ he thought. _If this continues for the rest of the week, I don't know if I'll survive. _The sickening feeling of the dizzy charm was only bearable for a few seconds, let alone minutes. What if he and James would continue playing for the rest of their lives? They would be cursed old men, bound to chase Moony forever with this…tail thing. Unless one of the rules was violated, of course. With nothing better to do and wishing to avoid suspicious discussion, he fished for his song writing materials under the bed and continued working with the Marauder Theme.

Meanwhile down in the common room, Peter was having a marvelous time being the center of attention for once while James sat off to the side, contemplating how he was going to get out of this. He concluded that Peter would be in on the game once the tail was no longer around to astound the minds of the other students.

He couldn't afford the secret to spread, it was of absolute concern that Peter kept his big mouth shut, especially around Lily. Having a girl in on the game was where he drew the line, even if she was as astoundingly vivacious and glittery as his red-haired love interest happened to be. No girls allowed, just like when they were all young and rolled in the dirt while the women stayed on the porch watching them in disgust.

"It's so soft, why did he give you the tail?"

"Well, I'm not sure. But I'm going to find out." Peter looked at James.

James raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Don't look at me. Padfoot's the insane one."

A blonde girl that liked to stalk Sirius looked up from the shiny tail. "Is he a Casanova?"

"No, Aril," James sighed, "trust me. There is no other person I know of that is more awkward around girls. Besides, he's marrying Remus. Come on Peter, let's blow up the cheese."

"Huh?"

"Let's leave."

"Oh. Fine, I'm coming." Peter moved away from the cloud of attention.

"Peter," the blonde girl whined, "you are such a lightweight. It was nice and fluffy, and you just gave up your fame."

"Well, I must obey my clan." said Peter. "Besides, it's what I'm best at."

_That's for sure. _James thought to himself. He inconspicuously removed the tail with a counter-spell. There would be no more talk of squirrels.

They bounded upstairs, where Remus was sure to be sleeping or figuring it out in that big brain of his. James was also wondering whether or not to let Sirius live down giving Peter a tail, but they had caused enough trouble for one day.

He pushed the door open to find Remus scarfing down the last of a muffin and Sirius preoccupied with the music he had been writing, his hand moving up and down in a counting motion. The wardrobe was also hanging from the ceiling again.

Sirius looked up. "Don't scold it, mate. I let it do what it wanted…" he whispered, "for saving me."

"All right. Just…make sure it doesn't hang over my bed." he gestured towards Peter and mouthed, "I think he knows."

"Wormtail? He wouldn't know hip if it bit him in be-hind."

"But Pad, it _did_."

"My point exactly! He doesn't have a clue." They looked over to Peter who was now scribbling on a piece of parchment. "See? He's all innocent as a dove and what-not. Just like always. Besides, even if he did know, he wouldn't be doing things behind our backs. That's just sick and wrong and--and _grody_."

"Whatever you say. Just make sure this is over by Wednesday, I have a date with Lily that night."

Sirius threw his quill in the air. "What? You aren't telling me anything! A date? It's…not even Tuesday yet. But she hates you, Prongs. Last night you told me you had a conversation with her, and now your all on with dates…"

"I know. But it's because I've become such a good person, can't you see?"

"No." Sirius looked back down at his Marauder Theme. "Looks like I'll have to introduce a love theme to The Marauders," he said reluctantly.

"Well, it is about us. Just think of our love for each other. All that sentimental stuff has to be included somewhere. How's it coming, anyway?"

"Pretty good, I think it sounds very swashbuckling myself. The variations are coming together too. Like, Playful, and Epic, and now all I need is Mush."

"Mush Theme?"

"It's called Love in some languages."

"Do we each have a theme?"

"Don't be too hasty, now…Besides, I'm not too sure about themes for certain people…It gets very complicated."

Sirius and James continued their musical discussion while Peter wrote and Remus leaned back, eyes slowly closing. Clearly the after effects of a stomach full of doughy satisfaction.

---

The four entered the Great Hall on time Tuesday morning to find a disheveled Lily Evans poking at her eggs. Two seats were saved on either side of her. James and Peter sat down to her right, Remus and Sirius to her left.

James poked her shoulder. "Hey Lily, why so glum?…More importantly, why didn't you comb your hair?"

She smiled vengefully, "I'm making Aril jealous."

"How?"

"Who's Aril?"

She placed one arm around James' neck, the other around Sirius'.

"By sitting right smack in between the most coveted of males. As much as I hate to admit it."

"Don't feed their egos!" Remus exclaimed.

"Why do you need to make Aril jealous?" Peter piped.

"Because ever since she's been infatuated with Mr. Perfect Hair over here," she shook Sirius' shoulder, "she never has time for me anymore. And since I'm looking very ugly today and sitting next to the two most popular people in school, I have the upper hand. She'll come crawling back to me, saying 'oh Lily how do you maintain charm while looking horrible and smelly?' and things like that."

"But you're not horrible and smelly."

"James, save it for the date." She shoved a piece of pancake in his mouth.

"So Lily," Sirius said, "I need to ask you a favor. Please, please, please don't turn James into a unmanly person."

"Don't worry, he's done that himself."

"To the max!"

"Hey!"

"Well, he is a bit of a spaz."

"No one says 'to the max' anymore, Peter."

"Then what _do _they say?"

"I don't know, but they don't say that."

"Whatever," Lily hastily brushed away their conversation with a wave of a hand, "the point is, she never takes me places anymore." She continued to fiddle with her food, a dejected expression on her face. "We didn't even share the same toothpaste this morning…"

"That's heavy."

"I know." She put her head on the table, messy red hair falling around.

"Wait, shouldn't you brush your teeth after breakfast instead of before?"

"Oh, I brush my teeth all the time."

"That's why her smile is so radiant."

"Be quiet Potter, I'm not your girlfriend until Wednesday."

"Fine."

The group finished up their food in silence, either thinking Lily had a great plan or that she was taking her jealousy of Sirius a little too far.

As breakfast was over, the five filed out, Lily and Peter behind the other three boys.

"So…Petie. I got the strange letter you sent me. Frankly, I couldn't read your handwriting. The only part I could make out was something about cheese and a tail."

"Well…yes. It's about James and Sirius. Again. Always up to something, right? But this time I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but I was hoping you knew. And Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Don't call me 'Petie'. My mother's the only one that's allowed to. And you might want to get that syrup out of your hair before the next lesson."

"Oh. Thanks."

---

Peter isn't so oblivious…Next chapter may be the beginning of the conclusion. Thanks for your reviews, I can't believe how much this weird little story has gotten.


	6. Genghis Kahn and Giggling Girls

I don't know if they still have history of magic in the seventh year, but I'm throwing it in for hilarity. Perhaps in this story they're insane and take it as an elective. Hey, who doesn't love history? Mongolia became a democracy in _**1990**_. Just to remember that this story is set in the _**1970**_'s. Professor Binns doesn't even remember Sirius' name. How sad.

---

_Chapter Six: Genghis Kahn and Giggling Girls _

The four plus a now well-groomed Lily were on their way to History of Magic. Sirius was still being a little overly possessive of Remus. However he did not attempt while in the hall, for walking was a dangerous trick while blind.

One foot in front of the other, it was very difficult.

There could also be danger of being discovered by an Oh-so muggle-y Miss Evans. But it wasn't as if he was inconspicuous. He maintained a death-grip around Remus' shoulder, and effectively blocked him from James' view. _Every man for himself, mate..._Remus, however, was in great pain.

"Padfoot, are you trying to rip my arm out of it's socket?"

"Well…no. I'm just protecting you. There's a load of evil out there. What's wrong, do I offend?"

"No, you're just tearing the skin from my bone is all."

He gripped painfully tight even more so on Remus' arm just to annoy him. "Oh, only that. Well, we can bandage you up and then you'll be happy as a clown."

"I can protect myself, thank you very much."

"Well, sure…" Sirius said. James shook his head and rolled his eyes. "But of course you can never be too careful. I am loyal and devoted, and therefore I deserve a medal for my grandness."

"_Clearly," _Remus replied in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "How very heroic of you."

"I'm glad you see it my way."

Lily and Peter continued their discussion in low voices behind the unsuspecting boys.

"So…you're saying that you think James and Sirius are playing a game with Remus. Wow, that's one I've never heard before. What an observation, Petie."

"Stop calling me Petie. Yes. Sirius gave me a bushy tail last night."

"That doesn't sound….healthy. You mean it was sticking out of your backside? Didn't it hurt? Why--"

"Sirius didn't mean to give _me _a tail, as surprising as that may sound. I mean, he was all over Moony. It was unsettling. Except, he was covering Moony's face and then he pointed his wand at _me_. He was groping around like he was blind or something."

"Which is strange, because he was clearly aiming for Remus."

"But it's not just Sirius. James fell on his face in Transfigurations yesterday. And he doesn't usually cause trouble in that class until Wednesday."

"He fell on his face? I would have liked to see that."

"I know," Peter smiled. "It was pretty hilarious. But people don't usually fall out of their chairs for no reason. I'm not kidding. They don't. He looked dizzy to me, all eyes rolling to the back of his head."

"Look Peter, I think you're just being overly suspicious. James' eyes went back because he was probably trying to find his brain. So he fell out of his chair, and Sirius gave you a bushy tail. So what?"

"Can't you think of anything they may have fabricated in their sick minds? Any games that involve blindness and tails."

Lily thought for a moment. There was one possibility…

And that was what it had to be.

She began laughing to herself.

"Er…Lily? Are you feeling well?"

She put a hand to her mouth and stopped in her tracks, looking at the three boys ahead of them. Her shoulders were shaking, eyes glistening. Then she burst into soundless laughter, took another breath and doubled over, laughing much louder this time. So, this was it. All the pieces had come together from what clueless Peter had been trying to tell her. James falling on his face, Sirius gouging holes in his friend's arm, and the incident of yesterday morning. The three ahead stopped and turned to stare at Lily. She turned from them for a moment and put her hands to her head, stomping her feet in absolute joy. She then turned back to face the group of males staring at her in bewilderment.

"I just--I just can't believe this is happening…" She gasped. "I just can't believe that we're all…we're all walking to the history lesson, and…it's just…" She looked up.

They continued to gape.

"It's just…so beautiful. I mean, you, and him," She gestured to Sirius, then Remus. "And…and _you_," she pointed to James' nose, "Together…forever…" She was still struggling to contain her delight. "It's just beautiful. That's all. See you in class." She jogged ahead of them; they turned to watch her in astonishment.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Well Prongs, looks like she's definitely the girl for you, now that she's gone round the twist."

"She has not gone _round the twist_. Hopefully. She just…"

"Thinks the fact that we're walking to a history lesson is beautiful, apparently." Remus stated.

---

"Can anyone tell me who the most famous political and military leader of Mongolia was?"

There was a response given in silence; some of the very few students that decided to show up were already placing their heads on their desks for some much needed sleep. Even though this history was slightly more sophisticated than previous classes, the distracted pupils continued to doodle and drool on the pages of _A National History of Magic: Advanced Anthology. _

The five were sitting all in one row; Lily had ceased her laughter and avoided James' questioning stare.

Remus sighed. Another history lesson, another question someone should always know. But just as he was about to raise his hand, Sirius' head snapped up and his own hand flew up in the air.

"I know this! I know this! Pick me!" Seeing that there was indeed no other option, Professor Binns pointed to the flailing hand. "Mister…er…

"Black."

"Mr. Black. You haven't had an answer for me…Well, ever. Go ahead."

Sirius bounced up and down, resembling a small child that had just found a bowl full of candy.

"Genghis Kahn."

"Correct. Can you tell me his birth name?"

_Please. _Remus thought. _Padfoot wouldn't know anything about Asian leaders. He puts socks over his ears for fun. _

"Temüjin." Remus jumped in his seat. What?

"Genghis Khan was born between 1150 and 1165. In his early childhood, he learned how to ride a horse. Later when he was six years old, he was allowed to participate in hunting expeditions with his clan or tribe. At around the age of nine, his tribal leader father, Yesükhei, was poisoned and he and his household were driven away by his clan, which--"

"_Thank you_, Mr. Black. You may be seated. Please. Genghis Kahn was not a wizard himself, but he does have a very, very, _very _long line of descendants as you can see on page 457…"

Sirius sighed and sat, appearing dejected. Remus turned to him.

"Since when did you know so much about Mongolia?" he whispered.

Sirius looked down. "Well, I--I…"

Remus' eyes widened. "You--You actually read _ahead?_ Not even I did that."

"I couldn't help myself! First it told of the battles with the Chinese, and then the tribes and…Did you know that they're not even a democracy yet? I know. I can't believe I read ahead."

"It's not shameful," he laughed, "You just don't want to admit that you enjoyed it _so much_."

"But I'm supposed to be the smart and _lazy _one. The smart one who actually reads books is your station."

-

James still couldn't figure it out, which was a surprise. Lily was ever the good student, tediously taking notes as Professor Binns droned on and on. She must have been up to something. That laughter was from some possessed woman, and now she sat as her innocent self, glancing up momentarily to fill her red head with knowledge of Mongolia then scribbling down main points she had kept among the babble of the absolutely dreary lecture. No normal person could do that. But then again, no normal person had such beautiful green eyes. Pretending to innocently take notes while her devious mind created evil plans just to torture him. Even if she had agreed to go on the date after those couple hours of convincing, she was still up to something. Definitely.

"Psst. Lily…"

She put a defensive arm over her paper. "Get away from my notes, Potty. You're Head Boy now, I think you should learn to take notes on your own."

"No, it's not that. _Why _were you laughing earlier?"

"What, I was laughing?"

"Yes."

"…I'll tell you later," she lied.

"But Lily--"

"Shh, he's getting to the alignment with the Soviet Union."

James was put out, so he decided to fold his arms and glare at the magical textbook for the rest of class time. Oh, he would find how the gears were turning in her head.

-

Peter was frazzled. Of course, all he really wanted to do was figure out what Sirius and James were up to, and then get in on it like the mischievous Marauder he was. The key was Lily, but it looked as if she had gone momentarily insane from what he had told her. Any normal little blonde boy would _know _"pin the tail on the donkey," but not sad, sad little Peter.

He was one of a few students that had resorted to doodling on his page. He had rendered an amusing stick figure drawing of Genghis Kahn and his many battles. If Peter was anything, it was a visual learner; there was no way he was going to waste his time listening to you. Unless of course you happened to be James, Sirius, or Remus. In all their years of marauding, his station had been "the distraction" so the other three could obtain the goal. Distract an unsuspecting professor with Peter Pettigrew, and you were sure to get into his or her office for "ingredients."

Babble like an idiot, that was all that was needed.

He was going to get in on whatever they were keeping him from, then _he _would have all the glory. Whatever form that glory might take. Because if you had been a distraction for seven years, you would be thinking the same thing.

-

Lily knew what they were. She could see through them like Dumbledore at happy hour, and now was her chance to show the Marauders how this game was played. Hopefully she wouldn't poke anyone in the eye.

Poor Susan.

---

---

This took so long.


	7. The Tumultuous Tail

_So, Deathly Hallows is out, and I've finished it in the following day after the event. It was wonderful! Don't worry, I won't give anything away, even though I'm dying to discuss! Maybe send me a little message and we can talk our heads off about it? Splendid. _

_I'm sorry it took me so long to finish this. _

_---_

_Chapter Seven: The Tumultuous Tail _

"How can you deny that that was beautiful?"

"Alright, alright, the part about the rice really was. Can we go now? It smells like…saliva and ink in here."

"Does saliva have a smell?"

"It always smells that way."

"Right. I'm just making excuses."

"_Peter!"_

"What?! I didn't do it!" The boy snapped out of his stupor.

"Just come on." Sirius dragged him up by the arm.

James glanced at Lily, Lily at Sirius, and Sirius at James. Then they turned to look at the back of Remus retreating into the hallway. Peter stared at his own feet.

"Hello Sirius!" They jumped at the shrill voice, the one being mentioned almost falling over, hand pressing against the doorframe. Lily glared. It was Aril, or her so-called toothpaste sharer prancing down the corridor. Since when did she not acknowledge one of her best friends? _Since Pretty Boy came to town._

Meanwhile, Sirius was becoming painfully awkward. He must get out. Bag Remus and his tail, he'd lose a thousand games just to get rid of this person. But it wasn't as if she was completely detestable. She was a Gryffindor, after all. _Damn that blonde woman…_he thought. James nudged him in the side, urging him to respond.

"Um…Hello." He pulled an impassive look, but it didn't seem to faze her.

"Where are you off to?" She seemed genuinely interested. Sirius looked left, then right. She was heading left. All the better to go in the opposite direction.

"Er…" He edged along the wall away from the rest of the group. "That way." Then he positively fled.

"Well, see you later then!" She called after him, a hand raised to her mouth. "Hmm." She sighed, disappointed, and continued on her way.

James was preoccupied with holding Lily back by the arms. "Ignore _me_, will she?" She snarled.

"Just let it go," he said, "She'll come to her senses soon enough. Besides, no one I know has succeeded in chasing after him. Then she'll go back to spending time with you, you'll see. Sirius has always been scared of her, anyway." Lily stopped struggling.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I even told her he was marrying Remus." He looked a little too pleased with himself at that statement.

"…Good."

"I never agreed to that!" Remus was in a small panic, but the others seemed to ignore him. Lily shook her arms away from James, regaining calm. She brushed herself off with a sly smile on her face, addressing him.

"Thanks for restraining me, I might have strangled her."

"Oh, no problem--"

"But you know," she said, looking him in the eyes, "There are some things that I need to go against you about…things that involve a certain blue-eyed boy." James looked clueless.

"Sorry?"

Lily gave a frustrated sigh, cleared her throat and tossed her head at Remus. The boy in question looked from James to Lily with one eyebrow raised.

"Let me give you a hint, Potty. It starts with 'T' and ends with 'L'." James shook his head.

"I…still don't follow."

"I'm playing, you dunce! The game! Petie told me all about it!"

"Stop calling me Petie!"

"You…you _know?_" A shocked and aggravated look became planted on his face. He rounded on Peter. "And _you, _you went behind our backs! That's just…sick and wrong!" he said, quoting Sirius.

"Well, that's what you get for not including me!" Peter retaliated.

"I am _**not **_including a female in this!" James stated, turning back to Lily.

"OH, so now you're sexist?"

"No! It wasn't the plan! The plan was gold and now you're just going to spoil all of it! Besides, you don't even know the rules."

"I don't need to know the rules. All I need to do is win."

Remus was absolutely beside himself with worry. What had his friends been planning to do to him all this time? He lunged towards James and took him by the collar.

"What are you all planning?" he demanded, "What are you going to do to me? I'm tired of being the pawn for your stupid games!"

"Please," Lily rolled her eyes, "Stop being so melodramatic, Remus. It might even make you laugh…once someone wins."

"He can't know!" shouted James. "He can't know, or it will end for all of us! One of us has to finish, and it's going to be me."

Remus focused on James.

"Not if you don't catch me, Prongs."

Before James knew it, Remus was flying down the hall as fast as his legs could carry him.

"SEIZE HIM!" James was in a frenzy, Lily and Peter as well were chasing after the light brown blur, all becoming dizzy in the spell's grip. No matter how nauseating it was, they continued in what they assumed to be a straight path, bowling over some innocent students in the hall. The students shouted at them, but there was no time to apologize.

Everything was black and spinning…where was Remus? James roared in frustration. As long as he was chasing after Remus, there was no way the spell would stop. His head was so heavy, he was almost on the ground…

---

Sirius was running, but he didn't care about where he was going. Stopping in a deserted corridor, he caught his breath, relieved yet slightly mortified at what he had done. How could he have just run off in the other direction? Maybe he should have actually tried to speak to her, get her away in a reasonable fashion instead of acting like a coward. He sat on the floor and leaned against the wall. The only ones who knew his mind were his friends, and he was perfectly happy with that. Maybe his friends were chuckling at him now for running away…But he didn't mind. He even gave a half-smile at the thought.

Just as he was thinking these things, a blur with a mop of light brown hair was heading toward him with surprising speed. But the figure saw him at the end of the corridor and skidded to a stop, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Moony?" Sirius looked up at his friend. "What are you doing here?"

Remus tensed, as if Sirius would be making a sudden movement.

"Er…I…" It was difficult not to trust Sirius, even if he was in on whatever game they were playing. Sirius motioned for Remus to sit down next to him.

"Here, here, I'm sick of running, and I'm quite lonely I'll have you know." Remus sat down slowly, still

suspicious and eyeing.

"Don't worry, I don't really feel like getting up."

Remus smiled. "How do I know you won't attack me?"

Sirius tried to seem offended. "Why Moony, how could you ever think of such a thing? I'm loyal, friendly, energetic…I even know a few commands. Did I mention loyal?"

"Yes, but you tend to run off quite a bit, with no sense of direction--"

"I have a _perfect _sense of direction."

"Whatever you say, Padfoot."

"So…" Sirius turned to face his friend. "How are the others?"

"They are a little…delayed."

"Ah, I see. So, will you stay with me and not run off?"

Remus thought for a moment. "Sure," he said, most likely figuring that there wasn't too much that could happen.

"Good!" If it was one thing Sirius hated, it was to be alone, even for a short while it seemed. It was odd, he thought they would say, but then again Sirius figured he was generally odd already. Not that it was a bad thing. He didn't mind if he frightened some people…It was fun to mess with other's heads.

"…Hey Moony?"

"Yeah?"

He sighed. "How much trouble do you think the others are getting in?"

"I have no idea…I don't know why they couldn't catch up with me. It was strange."

"Hmm."

---

"Damn it, damn it!" James whispered. The spell was wearing off, he was giving up. He looked around and saw that Peter had gone smack into a wall, and Lily was lying a small distance ahead of him.

"Well, this is lovely James. So this is why you fell over in transfigurations. I can see why." Lily said. "It's cruel…why did you make it so harsh?"

"We were wanting a challenge!"

"I can see that."

"Ow…" Peter mumbled.

"Look, maybe we should just get up and forget it for now…"

"I'm actually with you on that."

"Hey, Prongs?" Peter called.

"Yeah?"

"Help…"

"Oh, sure." He took his friend by the arm and hoisted him up. "Hopefully no one else was too intent on watching us make fools of ourselves."

They began to walk, wanting to clear their heads of the sick heavy feeling.

"I think I'm all funned out again."

"Tell me about it." They took a left, right, left, ambling down the hall, wanting to get very far away from where they had fallen.

"You know," said Peter, "I wonder where Padfoot must've got off to."

"Yeah, bet he's safe though."

But lo and behold, as they turned another right, they saw him at the very end, sitting silently with Remus, no less. Their heads were slightly drooped. What a fool Sirius had been! They tiptoed up to the pair as far as they could go…

"HEY!" James yelled, startling them both. Remus put his arms up in front of him to block whatever may come. James reached for his wand, and all was black and sickening again. But something moved his ankle and he lost his footing, and he grabbing onto what felt like a human arm.

"Hey!" Lily shouted, also hitting the ground with a thud. He didn't know what had happened to Peter, but he wouldn't be surprised if he had gone out first.

"I don't understand!" Remus said. "Why--" he stopped speaking.

Something very peculiar had happened.

"Why you little--" It was Sirius. Surely Peter could not have won?

"Surprise, surprise."

"_You!" _he shouted in blindness, "You!"

"Obviously."

He could see the blackness dissipating from his eyes, and could make out Peter on the ground rubbing his head, and Lily standing to face the culprit. As his head cleared he could see Sirius still sitting on the floor glaring with hatred, but momentarily looking away to smile at an extremely embarrassed Remus Lupin. He could see a glistening silver wolf's tail.

Finally, finally it had happened. But in the worst way he had thought possible.

"I was actually very intent on watching you make fools of yourselves, Potter." Snape said with contempt.

James could think of nothing to say, except something incredibly childish.

"I…I hate you." he sighed.

"I know." The corner of his enemy's mouth upturned.

"But how? How did you know?"

"I made the connections after watching you topple over many things. The werewolf sought safety…So I assumed with what person, and I was right."

James was utterly disgusted. "You--you _assumed_…"

"Yes." he said with a cold stare. With that he turned, his robe billowing behind him as he crept out of sight, carrying deep satisfaction at the misfortune of James Potter and his friends.

"He lives to make my life a living hell." James mourned.

"No kidding." Lily seemed rather puzzled, but not disgusted. And there was something else in her face too…Amusement?

"I can't believe he got to it…" Peter whined. "And now we can never play again."

"Thank God!" cried Remus. "How…how did you come up with this--torture?" He glared at James once again.

"It-it was Lily's idea!" he stammered.

"Excuse me?!" Lily demanded, "My idea? You're lucky I'm going out with you now. So very lucky. Idiot."

"…Well, you gave me the idea."

"It was brilliant!" said Sirius, his gray eyes shining. "I told you it would be endearing! I mean, come on, Moony. That's why we love to see you embarrassed out of your mind."

Remus looked helpless, a shade of red glowing in his face as he observed the shiny silver tail.

"And hey," James suggested, "You can still obtain the color pink."

"What?" they all said in unison.

"…Never mind."

"Now if I could just get some of that fur," Sirius said, "I could make a nice book cover."

_--The End--_

---

_Alright. I know the ending was abrupt and…blah, and maybe I shouldn't have put Snape in. I wanted to so, though. But it's 5 in the morning, and I'm just tired. I really hope you enjoyed it. I'm so glad that it's done! Thank you for reading and reviewing! _

_-snowbirdy _


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